Just a few weeks ago, we announced that we were expecting another little one.
On Wednesday afternoon, we went to my OB’s office for what was supposed to be a “pregnancy confirmation” appointment. Of course, in my mind, I received that confirmation over a month ago, courtesy of a home pregnancy test. I was almost 10 weeks along.
But, this was not to be the happy appointment the name would indicate.
I have had spotting during the first trimester of my last two pregnancies (three, including this one). It is, apparently, “my normal.” And, twice, it has been nothing to worry about.
So, when it started this time, I didn’t really worry. Or, rather, I tried not to worry.
But, this time, it was different.
After about a month of on-and-off spotting, it turned into true bleeding on Tuesday evening. So, I was not expecting good news going into my appointment.
As my doctor started the ultrasound, I glanced at the screen. Hoping, and praying that, despite the symptoms to the contrary, we would see the flutter of a tiny, beating heart. My doctor was uncharacteristically quiet. And, one look at her face confirmed my suspicion. “Are you sure you have your dates right?” Yes, I’m sure. “Because, baby is only measuring at 6 weeks. And…I’m not seeing a heartbeat.”
It’s the word no mother-to-be wants to hear. But, there it was.
I miscarried on Thursday, at home.
“…I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:23 (ESV)
When I announced our pregnancy, we were looking forward to meeting our son or daughter around Thanksgiving. So, I said that we had much to be thankful for this year.
We still do.
Yes, of course, we are sad and grieving.
We already loved this child. We wanted this child.
But, even though we will not have the joy of knowing this child, this side of Heaven, I am still so grateful for each moment I was given with this little one. I am thankful for the time, no matter how short, that I was blessed to be his or her mommy.
“…The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Job 1:21 (ESV)
Thank you for being excited with us over this little one. And thank you for being willing to grieve with us. We appreciate your prayers.