A Critique: Captivating

I recently finished the popular book, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, by the husband and wife team of John and Stasi Eldredge.  I like to keep up on popular trends within the church, but this book came out in 2005, so I am a little behind on this one.  But, it does not seem to be losing popularity.  I have recently heard many people commenting on it, so, I decided it was time to see for myself what everyone was talking about.  

The authors begin by saying that “this is not a book about all the things you are failing to do as a woman.” It has set out to “recover essential femininity without falling into stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon [the] readers.”  (from the Introduction)  Unfortunately, there are significant problems throughout this book.  Most, if not all, of the problems seem to stem from three basic categories – a low view of God, a low view of Scripture, and a high view of man (or, in this particular case, woman).  All of these lead the reader to an incorrect view of true, biblical womanhood and femininity.

A Low View of God
The Eldredges say that, “God wanted to reveal something about himself, so he gave us Eve.” (pg. 26)  They extol God’s more gentle attributes, qualities many typically associate with women – mercy, grace, love, tenderness, and “fierce devotion.”  In doing so, they tend to downplay what they would characterize as primarily “masculine” attributes – God’s justice, strength, wrath.  When these more masculine characteristics are mentioned, they do so by likening God to actors or characters in a movie, men like Daniel Day Lewis, William Wallace or Mel Gibson, Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, or Harrison Ford. (pg. 129)  But, we are told in Isaiah 40 (see verses 18-25) that God cannot be compared to anything.  “To whom then will you compare me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One.”

The Eldredges also tell us that, through women, we see “that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance.” (pg. 26)  Using Jeremiah 31:3, which says (in part) “I have loved you with an everlasting love,” they attempt to prove not only that God longs for a relationship with us, but also that “this whole world was made for romance.”(pg. 29)  Later in the book, Stasi encourages women to “ask God to reveal himself to you as the Lover that he is.”  (pg. 126)  Yes, God does love us – Scripture is very clear about that.  But, there is a vast difference between true, biblical love and romance. 

Love is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (ESV) as patient, kind, not envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, irritable, or resentful.  It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.”  Romance, on the other hand, can be defined this way:  “a strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.” (Dictionary.com)  Throughout the book, the Eldredges confuse these two, and tell their readers that “to be spiritual is to be in a Romance with God.” (pg. 127)  They also claim that “the root of all holiness is Romance.” (pg. 113)

But, 1 Peter 1:15-16 says, “but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”  The root of all holiness is not romance.  It is obedience – obedience to God’s commands.  (For a biblical look at holiness, see the book, Holiness: The Heart God Purifies, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss)

Low View of Scripture
The above example, along with many others, shows that the Eldredges clearly hold to a low view of the authority of Scripture.  Though they frequently quote Scripture in an attempt to validate and lend authority to their claims, many passages are misquoted, misinterpreted, taken out of context, or ignored altogether.  Movies, music, and personal experiences are often elevated to a position of equal, if not higher authority to that of Scripture in the pages of this book.

Movies and Music
Stasi begins her story by saying “As for romance, I stumbled through that mysterious terrain with only movies and music as a guide.  Like so many women I know, I struggled alone through the mess of several broken hearts.” (pgs. 4-5)  Although she indicates that that these were unreliable guides, leading her into a life of heartache and broken relationships, she goes on to contradict herself as the book progresses.  A variety of secular songs, movies, and books, many that contain themes contrary to biblical standards, are referenced throughout as proof of her claims that a woman was made for beauty, adventure, and romance.

Personal Experience
Stasi’s past – which includes struggles with abuse, abortion, depression (complete with the use of antidepressants), eating disorders, and promiscuity – comes into play in the statements that the Eldredges make concerning women.  They say that

“every little girl – and every little boy – is asking one fundamental question.  But they are very different questions depending on whether you are a little boy or a little girl….Little girls want to know, Am I lovely?” (pg. 46)

This question appears be the result of an event in which she, as a child, was seeking her father’s attention and approval, and he did not respond favorably.  She goes on to say,

“Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered, ‘Yes!’” (pg. 46)

But, this statement is not true of all women, and it is wrong to suggest that it is.  The mistakes and pain that characterize one woman’s past do not, and cannot, dictate the needs of all women.  It is important to remember that our role, purpose, and calling as women is to be found in Scripture. 

Along with occasions of audibly hearing God’s voice, both authors encourage women to

“listen to the voice of God in our hearts as he tells us what we need. Sometimes it will be a bubble bath.  Sometimes it is going for a run or a movie or a nap.  Often, Jesus will call us away to spend precious time alone with him.  We grow in our intimacy with Jesus as we practice listening to his urging, his nudges within.” (pg. 145)

No!  We grow in intimacy with Christ when we obey the clear commands that He has given us in His Word!  John 15:10 says, “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.” Verse 14 of the same passage goes on to say, “You are my friends if you do what I command you.”  But, they ignore this passage as they continue, saying,

“Abiding in Christ means paying attention to the voice of God within, nourishing our own hearts and nourishing our relationship with him.”  (pg. 145)

Readers are encouraged to look within their own hearts, not to the pages of Scripture.  But, in doing so, they overlook verses like Jeremiah 17:9, which tell us that our hearts are deceitful, and desperately wicked. 

Context/Interpretation
When readers are pointed to Scripture, the passages used are often taken out of context.  We see passages such as Hosea 2, Isaiah 62, and Jeremiah 30 (among others) which describe God’s care for, and mercy upon Israel, twisted, and reinterpreted with alternate (“modern”) readings, and suggested application to all women.  Matthew 16:25, which clearly speaks to the cost of following Christ, is used to encourage women to stop their incorrect methods of “self-protection,” which they employ as a result of the wounds that have been inflicted upon them. (pg. 73)

When the authors find that a passage of Scripture fits in with their particular need, they use it.  But, other relevant passages, which would contradict their message, are used in part, or conspicuously omitted.  This can be clearly seen in their treatment of, or disregard for passages like Proverbs 31. 

The Proverbs 31 Woman
They claim that the church is partially (if not wholly) responsible for holding women to, what they call, unreasonable expectations of what women “ought” to be – like those found in Proverbs 31. A low view of Scripture and its authority is clearly seen, once again, as Stasi says,  

“We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books?  Her light never goes out at night?  When does she have sex?  Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that yet again we don’t measure up.  Is that supposed to be godly – that sense that you are a failure as a woman?” (pg. 6)

The word infamous is typically used to describe someone with a bad reputation, brought on by evil deeds.  But, in stark contrast, Scripture calls the woman described in this passage “virtuous,” and “of noble character.”  Stasi says that she is “biblical proof” that we don’t measure up.  Do any of us measure up to God’s standard of holiness?  No, none of us – man or woman – do.  There is biblical proof of that throughout Scripture.  (I would suggest Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock’s book, Becoming A Woman Who Pleases God, for a biblical look at the woman in Proverbs 31, and practical ways on how we can, and should, follow her noble example.)

“Arousing Adam”
As I have already noted, throughout the book, the Eldredges confuse passages that are narrative in nature, intended to describe various events, with those passages that are prescriptive, or direct commands for us, as believers, to follow.  Probably the best (or perhaps, the worst) example of this can be found in chapter 9, “Arousing Adam”.  In this chapter, John quotes his book, Wild at Heart, and relates his interpretation of the story of Ruth.  Because, as with other quotes used throughout the book, there is very little bibliographic information offered, so it is impossible to know where John gets his interpretation of this story.  He takes what is a beautiful, noble love story, and a fitting symbol for our redemption through Christ, and twists it, making it an example of seduction for women to follow.  Referring to Ruth 3:7, he says,

“What happens next is simply scandalous….There is no possible reading of this passage that is “safe” or “nice.”  This is seduction pure and simple – and God holds it up for all women to follow…” (pg. 157)

As The Bible Expositor’s Commentary (vol. 3) points out, “Some commentators have cynically described the entire episode as an example of the wily ways of a woman to get her man.  This kind of interpretation shows a lack of sensitivity to the chain of events that are unfolding in the story.” (Huey, pg. 538)    Ruth is described in Scripture as a virtuous woman.  To imply, as John has done, that her actions were anything but, is to contradict what Scripture clearly says about her.  Her life closely parallels that of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31.  However, this is a point that is ignored by John (not surprising, given their view of the “infamous” woman of Proverbs 31).
(Please look at John MacArthur’s portrait of Ruth in his book, Twelve Extraordinary Women, for an accurate, biblical presentation of this story.)

High View of Man (Woman)   

“Now for one of the most beautiful mysteries of the feminine heart:  women minister something to the heart of God that men do not.”(pg. 124) 

“Women hold a special place in the heart of God.  A woman’s worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry.  You can minister to the heart of God.  You impact Him.  You matter.” (pgs. 124-125) 

Not only are these statements, and others like them, examples of the pride and glorification of man found in this book, they are fundamentally, and biblically inaccurate.  God does not need us.  Yes, He wants our worship, but He does not need it.  God is, and always has been, self-sufficient.  To ignore this attribute, is to minimize who God is. 

This high view of man is a result of the authors’ belief that man (or woman) is basically good.  Their website says that, 

“We have good hearts.  We appeal to the deepest and truest parts of one’s being, believing that as a Christian our deepest and truest desires are for that which is true, honorable, holy, pure, and beautiful.” (from the Ransomed Heart website) 

The True Nature of Our Souls 

“Our hearts are enlarged by Jesus.  And by that, we mean that we must be willing to be honest with him and with ourselves about the true nature of our souls – our sorrows, our desires, our dreams, our fears, our deepest and scariest hopes.” (pg. 143) 

But, if we were truly honest about the nature of our souls, we would see that they are deceitful and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9). Scripture clearly tells us that, while we are new creations if we are in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17), we still battle with our old, sinful nature.  As Paul says in Romans 7:18-20, 

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” 

Contrary to the beliefs of the authors, our desires are not basically good.  They are basically sinful.  

Exaltation of Eve
The Eldredges application of the story of Eve’s creation illustrates this self-promoting, man-centered thinking. 

“She is the crescendo, the final astonishing work of God.  Woman.  In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve….Can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation?  Not an afterthought.  Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree.  She is God’s final touch, his piece de resistance.”  (pg. 25) 

Now, I do not have a problem with their description, I have a problem with their application.  Their wording is strikingly similar to John MacArthur’s description of Eve in his book, Twelve Extraordinary Women.  MacArthur calls Eve “the crown and the pinnacle of God’s amazing creative work,” (MacArthur, pg. 1) “the finishing touch and the very zenith of all creation.” (MacArthur, pg. 2)  But, this description, is applied to Eve alone (not all women), “in her original state, undefiled by any evil.” (MacArthur, pg. 2)  The Eldredges, on the other hand, apply and attribute their description to all women, disregarding the impact of the fall (sin).  The authors go so far in their exaltation of women as to encourage them to 

“Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, ‘The whole, vast world is incomplete without me.  Creation reached it’s zenith in me.’” (pg. 25) 

Beauty
The beauty they attribute to Eve (though her physical appearance is never once mentioned in Scripture) becomes a theme in this book.  In chapter 2, the Eldredges say, 

“the world cheapens and prostitutes beauty, making it all about a perfect figure few women can attain.  But, Christians minimize it too, or overspiritualize it, making it all about ‘character.’” (pg. 36) 

Of course, this means ignoring verses like Proverbs 31:30 which tell us that “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  She also ignores 1 Peter 3:3-4, tells us, “Do not let your adorning be external–the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing– but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”  (emphasis added)  Christians do not make beauty all about ‘character’ – God does.  

However, in chapter 8, following the pattern of inconsistency characteristic of this book, we find the authors this time attempting to convince the reader “that true beauty comes from the inner part of us.  Our hearts.” (pg. 134)  In this chapter, they say that outward beauty is simply a reflection of a heart at rest.  Here, the passage from 1 Peter 3 is used to lend authority to this claim.  But, when it is quoted in the book, they leave out the last phrase, “which in God’s sight is very precious.” 

Conclusion 

This book says that it “is not about what you ought to do or who you ought to be.  It’s about discovering who you already are, as a woman.” (pg. 19)  The problem with that is, I know who I already am.  Man or woman – I am a sinner.  The Bible tells me that.  I want a book that will challenge, encourage, exhort, and convict me to be what I ought to be – what Scripture calls me (and all of us) to be – a woman who is seeking to be more like Christ.

It is unfortunate, for all of the positive talk that this book has generated over the last few years, its message is one of pride and self-centeredness – rooted in a low view of God and the authority of His Word.  For numerous reasons, beyond those listed above, this is not a book I would recommend.  

In addition to the books I have suggested earlier, let me offer some alternatives to Captivating, by authors who present a truly biblical view of womanhood and femininity: 

• Biblical Womanhood in the Home, ed. by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (with chapters by Barbara Hughes, Susan Hunt, Mary Kassian, Carolyn Mahaney, Dorothy Patterson, and Bunny Wilson) 
• Let Me Be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot 
• Disciplines of a Godly Woman, by Barbara Hughes 
• Different by Design, by John MacArthur 
• Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney 

Should you choose to read this book, please let me urge you to do so with your (open) Bible in hand.  Be a “Berean” – examining the Scriptures to see if these things are so. (see Acts 17:11)