Shades of Gray

Over the last few weeks, I have begun taking a Spiritual Care Training class at church.  This class lasts two semesters of 10 weeks each.  The ultimate goal of this training is to create a lay-counseling ministry within the church.  The last few weeks have been, and I’m sure will continue to be an interesting process for me.  But, it’s good to be stretched…right?

Do you ever feel as though you have 2 very different worlds colliding in your mind?  Neither is necessarily wrong, but they are very, very different.  That is the effect that this training process is having on me.  Throughout this class I have been faced with some viewpoints that are very different from what I have been used to, in regards to biblical counseling. These differences appear to be in a more fact-based approach to counseling, versus a more feeling/emotion-based approach. 

We live in a very feeling-oriented society.  In The Christian Counselors Medical Desk Reference, Dr. Robert Smith says:

“…even believers are pressured to make feelings the main motivator in life.  We are told that to go against our feelings is hypocrisy.” 

Over the last few years, through college and the first few years of our marriage, I have spent a lot of time in the world of Biblical Counseling (and by that I mean specifically Nouthetic counseling), where Scripture is the only reliable method of determining, and addressing various issues.  I have been taught that feelings are not something that needs to be validated.  And, because of their ever-changing nature, they are certainly unreliable as indicators of the true motives and desires of the heart.  Dr. Smith goes on to say that,

“the Bible teaches feelings are the result of thinking and/or actions.  It does not teach the cultural view that actions are to be motivated by feelings, but that thinking and actions produce feelings.”

By nature, I am not typically an emotional person.  I have always been very black-and-white, play-by-the-rules, dogmatic (dare I say, legalistic) about any given issue, so, until now I have never had reason to consider another way.

So, I have had a difficult time responding to what seem to be, more feeling-oriented questions posed in this training process.  These questions are posed in an attempt to get the “counselee” thinking through the issues on their own, with the intent to direct them to the proper response.  But, I have had some difficulty with questions like:

• “How did you feel about this situation?”
• “What are your emotions about such-and-such?”
• “Use 3-4 emotional words to describe your relationship with Christ.”

This last example was an extremely difficult exercise for me.  I have always been taught  not to gauge my relationship with the Lord on how I feel about it at any given moment, as that may change (for better or worse!) with circumstances, diet, sleep, caffeine…. 

I wholeheartedly agree that feelings are an unreliable measure.  But, I am also beginning to understand that they are real, and, I do think that they can be helpful, as long as they (the feelings/emotions) are in submission to the truths in Scripture, and not the other way around.

It is challenging for me to try to see things from a perspective that I have very carefully avoided for so long, and to consider a different approach to counseling, and, really, to life in general.  I do not necessarily agree with everything in the nouthetic counseling realm. (I use that term for clarity’s sake, as many who call themselves “biblical counselors” often incorporate secular psychological elements into their counseling, while “nouthetic counseling” is much more exclusive, and rightly so, in their theology.)  But, I definitely appreciate, and agree with their high view of Scripture, and the conviction that the answer(s) to any and all problems that we face can be found within the pages of God’s Word. 

Until recently, the majority of my interaction with this has been directed by my college and former church.  In these two realms, “feelings” can often be associated with one of two groups – charismatics or psychology – neither of which are looked upon favorably.  And, as a result, my thinking has often taken the route of “biblical counseling good, psychology bad.”  There was little room for considering whether any good could be found within the practice of psychology.  We often threw the proverbial “baby” out with the “bathwater.”  Of course, following that line of reasoning, anything that even hinted of psychology was immediately disregarded. 

My husband asked me this afternoon why I enjoy reading.  (I thought that was a great question!)  My answer was fairly simple…I like to learn, and I like to think.  I read books to learn about various areas of life – my spiritual walk, the Bible, interpersonal relationships, parenting, marriage, organization, homemaking….  But, I also “enjoy” reading books that, though there may be some worthwile information included, I know I won’t particularly agree with every statement made.  Now, I do like to argue, and inatimate objects are not spared these tirades, so that may have something to do with it.  But, I think the bigger factor is that I like to think.  I read authors that I disagree with because I want to question my own positions on certain subjects.  I don’t ever want to believe something simply because it has been published in book form.  I also don’t want to be guilty of believing something simply because it comes from the mouth of a pastor.  Please understand, I greatly respect the work and study that pastors do, but we are all called to be “Bereans,” and to study the Scripture ourselves to ensure that what is being taught/preached is true. 

In this class, I am being challenged to do just that.  I must carefully look at my positions on, and my reactions to, certain subjects (i.e., the Holy Spirit, feelings/emotions), and analyze why I think the way I do about those subjects.  I said that I liked to argue, but I hate to be wrong.  So, at times, I am struggling to do this.  It would be so much easier to make a blanket pronouncement about the whole thing, and leave it at that.  But, I think there is some work to be done on my part, if I am to be truly “competent to counsel” (to borrow a title from Jay Adams).

I have already had several conversations with both of the men in charge of this group, and I have been greatly encouraged by their high regard for the authority of Scripture, and the passion that they have to help those who are struggling with sinful habits, thoughts, and actions.  I am looking forward to seeing this ministry grow and continue, and I am excited to see how the Lord will use it in the lives of others…He is already using it in mine!