A Quiet Heart…

Yes, and amen!

In a society that is out to destroy the God-given, and God-ordained distinctions between men and women…this is a refreshing perspective!!  From…Dockers!  Yes, Dockers.  This is their “Man-ifesto.”  Now this is an advertising campaign I can support!!  You should too.

(HT: Doug Phillips)

The Need For Modesty 

1. The Fall, Genesis 3

2. The Similarities – Sin

3. Our differences:
In this post, we looked at the fact that we are all sinners.  It is that very similarity that makes the differences between men and women another reason that modesty is such an important issue.

In his book, Not Even a Hint, (which, I believe has now been re-titled), Josh Harris says this,

“Isn’t it wonderful how God has made men and women to interact with each other?  He made men visually oriented, then made women beautiful.  He made men initiators, and then designed women to enjoy being pursued.” (pg. 85)

He makes two great points in this statement that I want to use as my “outline” for this section:  first, that men are visually oriented; and second (in a separate post), that men are to be the initiators.

“Visually Oriented”
God designed men to be more visual.  He created them to be to be stimulated by what they see.  And, as Josh Harris pointed out – he made women beautiful.  This was all part of God’s design.  But, in our fallen, sinful state, the innocence and purity of this design has been corrupted, and turned it into yet another display of our vanity, selfishness, and pride.  While that may be true of both men and women, I am addressing this to the women. 

If we know that God created men to be visually oriented, which in the proper context (i.e., marriage) is a good thing, how do we, as women, use that information?  Do we use it to our own selfish “advantage”, to attract as much attention as possible?  Or do we actively seek to protect the men in our lives from being put in a position in which they might be tempted to sin (in thought, or in action)?

This often leads to the question, does this mean that the responsibility for a man’s thoughts or actions rests solely on the woman?  Is a man not capable of, or responsible for controlling himself, his actions, his thoughts, and his eyes? 

In Job 31:1, Job says, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?”  Joseph, in Genesis 39, appeared to understand the importance of this type of covenant in his dealings with Potiphar’s wife.  When faced with the constant and forward advances of a very aggressive woman, he fled.  He recognized that what she was suggesting was sin – not only against her, and her husband (Joseph’s boss), but also against God.  And, he ran from it. Matthew Henry’s commentary on this passage says, 

“The grace of God enabled Joseph to overcome the temptation, by avoiding the temper. He would not stay to parley with the temptation, but fled from it, as escaping for his life. If we mean not to do iniquity, let us flee as a bird from the snare, and as a roe from the hunter.”

David, on the other hand, would have been wise to make a covenant similar to Job’s.  Instead of fleeing temptation, he walked right into it.  2 Samuel 11:2 “It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful.”  Now, there were 2 things that got David into trouble here… Verse one of this passage tells us that it was “In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle…But David remained at Jerusalem.”  First, he was not where he was supposed to be.  Kings typically joined their armies in battle.  For reasons not given, David sent his commander to continue this battle, but did not go with them.  Second, his eyes got him in trouble.  He saw a beautiful woman, and instead of looking away, he allowed himself to dwell on what he saw, and eventually act upon it.  This led him down a very dangerous path – one that eventually led to adultery and murder.  

James 1:14 says “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.” We are each responsible before God for our own sin.  Yes, guys may be visually oriented, but just because a woman is dressed (or otherwise behaving) immodestly does not give him license to sin.  A man cannot control what a woman wears.  But, through the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit, he can control his eyes, his thoughts, and his actions.  He, and he alone, is responsible before God for his actions. 

That being said, ladies, please do not think that this frees you to do, say, or wear whatever you please.  In the same way, you are responsible before God for your actions.

Proverbs 7:10 says, “And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.”  There is so much in this particular chapter that speaks to the issue of immodesty, and I will address some of it later.  But, for now, let’s just focus on one phrase – “Dressed as a prostitute.”  It does not say that she is a prostitute.  In fact, later, in verse 14, she suggests that she is actually quite “religious.”  (Examples of this type of woman can be found in the church today!)  So, if she is “religious”, and not a prostitute, then why would Scripture call attention to the way this woman was dressed?  Isn’t it all about what is on the inside anyway?  Of course it is.  But what is on the outside is often a very good reflection, or indication of what is in the heart.  Notice that this verse describes this woman as being “wily” or “crafty” of heart.  She knew exactly what she was doing.  She knew, like most women do, that guys are visual creatures – that they are stimulated, and thus more easily tempted by what they see.  This woman, if you read further in this chapter, had a motive and a purpose for dressing the way she did.  Her goal was to attract attention to her physical appearance – with the intention of drawing this foolish man into an illicit, sexual relationship. 

I do not believe that all Christian women today dress, or act, immodestly with the intent of luring men into bed.  I think that they just want “a little attention.”  And, knowing that men are visually oriented, they dress specifically to attract that attention.  But, ladies, the truth is, if you know – and we do –the affect that your dress can have on a man, and you continue to dress in a provocative, or sensual, manner it is sinful, and it is wrong.

Ultimately, immodesty is a result of pride.  As it relates to our dress, pride in our beauty, our appearance, or our body.  But, humility, not pride, is what is to characterize a Christian.  Philippians 2:3-4 tells us that we are to “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (ESV) As a Christian, you do have a responsibility to protect your brothers (this includes fathers, sons, friends, brothers, pastors, teachers, boyfriends, and other women’s husbands), and love them as a sister in Christ. 

Guys are bombarded by immodesty everywhere they look – TV, malls, billboards, school campuses, the internet, Starbucks, and yes, even churches.  Sure, some of the things in that list are avoidable, but some are not.  Being that guys are more easily tempted by what they see, let’s not make it any harder on them than it already is!  If there is anything in the way you are dressed that is in anyway suggestive, provocative, or designed to attract attention, you are not protecting them.  You are inviting them to go somewhere in their imaginations that they should not go.  Sadly, there often is not much to be left to the imagination…everything is already right there in full view.  

“As Christian women, our clothing choices can help men succeed morally or can put temptation in their path that they may find it difficult to overcome.  That means that both men and women are responsible for moral purity.” (The Look, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, pg. 20) 

(As always, stay tuned…)

The Need For Modesty

1.  The Fall, Genesis 3

2. The Similarities – Sin:
This may seem a bit redundant, because we just looked at the Fall.  But, the consequences, and the impact of sin did not end there. 

As Romans 3:23 tells us, “all have sinned.”  Sin is not a problem that is exclusive to one gender.  It is also not limited to a specific age range.  We were all impacted by the Fall – therefore we are all susceptible to the consequences.  Although, as believers, we have been forgiven, we are all still capable of sinning.

James 1:14-15 “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.  Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” (NASB)

The struggle with, and temptation to sin is something that men and women have in common.  Unfortunately, it is also something that believers have in common with unbelievers:

“Surveys indicate that the sexual morality of today’s Christians has become almost indistinguishable from that of non-Christians.  It is often impossible to discern where the world ends and the church begins.  Our failure to follow the teachings of Scripture in this area undermines our ability to accomplish what God has called us to.  Why?  Because if we are just like the world, we have nothing to offer it.  An unholy world will never be won to Christ by an unholy church.” (The Purity Principle, pg. 24)

I believe that Christian girls, and women, who dress and act immodestly, do so for one of two reasons, the first being that they are ignorant, or naïve.  They simply just do not know any better.  But, I know that this is not always the case. 

I think many Christians do know better.  I am not making excuses for their sinful behavior – but I think it is necessary to point out that many of these girls dress and act inappropriately because they see what the guys (and men) around them respond to…this includes the good, Christian guys!  Again, I am not making excuses, but girls see what attracts attention, and they want to be noticed.  Now, there is nothing wrong with being attractive (we’ll deal with this more later).  But, there is a difference between being attractive, and dressing to attract.  The problem starts in the heart, when, in sinful selfishness, pride, and vanity, women compromise what they know to be biblically acceptable standards of dress and behavior, and, instead adopt those immodest attitudes, behaviors, and styles that our culture (the world) has told them will get them the desired attention. 

But, Scripture tells us that we are to be different than the world.  Romans 12:1-2  “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (ESV)  We are to act, think, speak, and – yes - dress differently.

• The world tells us that beauty is external, and physical.  God’s Word tells us that true beauty comes from “the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”  (1 Peter 3:4, ESV) 
• The world tells us to dress in a way that attracts attention, or highlights our beauty, skin, or body.  Scripture says that we are to dress in “in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control… with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10, ESV) 
• The world says what you wear is external, it does not reflect who you really are.  The Bible says “for each tree is known by its own fruit…The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks”. (Luke 6:44-45)

Our culture, and therefore many of the current trends in behavior and fashion, is in complete opposition to biblical standards.  Immodesty is everywhere…malls, schools, parks, Starbucks.  And, I expect to see it there.  I cannot control what unbelievers choose to wear, and how they choose to act – and I am not addressing unbelievers.  They operate under a completely different standard and authority (or lack thereof).  

As believers, the Bible, God’s holy, inerrant, infallible Word, is our Authority.  It is clear when it tells us that we should look and act differently than the world.  Modesty, in our speech, dress, and behavior is a source of protection against falling prey to contrary worldly philosophies…and ending up in sin as a result. But, as Randy Alcorn said (above), “It is often impossible to discern where the world ends and the church begins.”  Immodesty is running rampant in the church.  And, that just should not be the case.

James 4:17 says, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” (ESV) 

Men and women, regardless of age or culture, are similar in that we are all sinners.  None of us are above being tempted.  But, even so, we must also recognize that the source of those temptations are different, simply because men and women are different. 

(To be continued…here)

Last night, I went back to Awana!  This was a minisry that was such a huge part of my life growing up (I started as a  3-year-old “Cubbie,” and earned my Citation as a senior in high school), but, it has been a while since I have had any sort of involvement with it.  I do credit it (well, several of the programs and leaders) with much of my spiritual growth – especially during high school.

For the past several years, my dad has been the main teacher for our church’s Varsity (and I know, it is now called 24/7, but, I’m from the old school), or high school, group.  This semester he is teaching a section that he calls “Life 101.”  It is a neat series that he has put together to help the students prepare for life after Awana…and for the true Awana geeks, like myself, that concept can be difficult to fathom.  He deals with issues that range from finding a church to dating/courtship (yes, both!).  Last night he asked Jason and me to come in and speak to the group about modesty.

It was an interesting experience, as most (all) of my previous “teaching” experience has either been with very young children – 2 years old to about 2^nd grade – or to college-age girls.  So, high school was new territory for me!  And, a little bit of a challenge.  It wasn’t bad, just different than what I am used to!  They were very kind, but very quiet.  My high school, and college, experiences always involved a lot more interaction, so their lack of “audience participation” was a bit unnerving…I did get a few laughs, which also caught me completely off guard, since I really wasn’t trying to be funny!  But, I do tend to “tell it like it is,” and I think that may have surprised them a little bit!

Modesty is one of my “soapbox” issues.  It is something that I am very passionate about, as it directly relates to, and is impacted by how we as Christians live our lives, and what we are communicating to the world around us.  But, the entire concept seems to have been lost in the church today…especially the women.  Because this particular program had such an impact on me, some 11-plus years ago, I was especially excited to talk to these girls.

But, for the last week or so, that has meant spending every free moment – and several moments that I should have spent sleeping! – working on a short presentation on that topic.  I emphasize short, because it was anything but!   This is an area that I have been studying, and forming convictions about for several years.  And, I have discovered that God’s Word has so much to say on the issue.  There was so much that I wanted to say, but didn’t, as time just did not allow for it.  So, I certainly do not feel as though I did the topic justice.  And, I was only able to offer them a very small glimpse of what the Lord asks, or demands, of us in this area.  And I still went over my allotted time…but I did finish before my husband.   I hope that I was at least able to give them some things to think about – in regards to their behavior, their speech, their desires and motivations…Oh, and we did talk about clothes too.

If you are interested in what I had to say to these ladies, I think I will post it (in parts), in continuation of my seriously neglected little series on modesty!  So, you can be looking forward to that…or consider yourself warned.

Several weeks ago (I think we may be coming up on months now) I started a little post on modesty…and then…I’m not exactly sure what happened.  Re-potty training, dropping naps (life with a 2-year-old!) …we put the house up for sale (another story!)…and then there were those pesky wildfires…and well, life happened, I guess!

So, back to the blog, and the promised posts on modesty…I’m sure all 2 of you were holding your breath!   Well, if, after passing out from lack of oxygen, you are still interested …by all means, read on…

(If you’ve forgotten, or if you would like to read the post that started this, click here.)

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Unfortunately, for many Christian women – young and old, alike – the word “modesty” brings to mind all that is legalistic, frumpy, and old-fashioned.  But that is not the case!  Modesty, by definition, is

“The state or quality of being modest;
Reserve or propriety in speech, dress, or behavior;
Lack of pretentiousness; simplicity.”

While a discussion of modesty would be incomplete without addressing the how and why of clothing styles and choices, there are a few other aspects that are too often ignored in such conversations. 

I grew up in a Christian (junior high/high) school with a fairly strict dress code, and then went on to a Christian college which enforced a similarly conservative standard.  (I say “fairly” strict, because while they were more conservative than some, they came nowhere near the restrictions of other well-known, and oft-mentioned institutions.)  But, while the young women at these two schools were, by all outward appearances, modest, for some, their behavior proved that it was just that – outward.

In her little booklet on modesty, The Look, Nancy Leigh DeMoss says, “A heart of modesty affects every aspect of a woman’s life – not just the way she looks, but her attitudes and the way she talks and acts, as well.” (pg. 25)  Clothing is, without a doubt, an important component of modesty!  But, true modesty is a matter of the heart that includes our thoughts, our speech, and our behavior…And each of those areas – for good or bad – will have a distinct impact on our clothing choices. 

Luke 6:45 tells us that “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”  Earlier in the same passage, we see that a tree is known by its fruit, whether it be good, or evil.  We, as believers, are known by our actions.  Of course, you could wear a denim jumper and think that “looking the part” is good enough.  The people around you will be so impressed!  But, are you fooling anyone?  Maybe.  But, the Bible has a name for people like that…

Matthew 23:27-28 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”

The scribes and Pharisees of Jesus’ day, outwardly, had it all together.  They looked great!  They knew what to say, how to say it, and what to do…But, they were eventually betrayed by what was in their hearts.  They appeared righteous, and surely they fooled many of the people around them.  But, Jesus saw through the act.  He knew that inside they were full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. 

It is the same with “modesty” that is only on the outside.  You may fool some of the people around you.  But the Lord can see through the act to what is really in your heart.  Without the proper heart attitude, putting on that denim jumper is akin to a little girl playing dress-up.  Wearing modest clothing does not make you modest anymore than wearing the princess costume makes my daughter Cinderella.  Like the hypocrites in Matthew, Proverbs 11:22 tells us that “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” 

A gold ring can be a beautiful thing – in the proper context.  Think of your wedding band.  On your hand, or that of your husband, it is a beautiful symbol of the love and commitment that the two of you have before the Lord.  But, if you were to put that same ring on a pig, it is useless.  The beauty of the symbol is lost.  It becomes dirtied and tarnished in the muck of the pigpen.

Is your behavior, and your speech, characterized by discretion and self-control?  Or do you act in a way that is intended to “turn heads,” and draw undue attention to yourself?  Is your speech full of provocative, suggestive, or inappropriate language?  Yes, you can wear the modest clothing, and look good doing it.  But, if your words and actions do not match up, you are like that gold ring in the pig’s snout…“a beautiful woman without discretion.” 

Is it our motivation to be women who profess godliness – in all areas of our life?  Are we adorning the hidden person of the heart with the gentle and quiet spirit that is precious in the sight of God?

Or, are we simply playing dress-up?

I was doing some online “window shopping” the other day…Not really with an intent to buy, I just wanted to see what was out there for fall. 

Through my searching, I became more and more frustrated to see some of the stuff that was out there…Come on, she’s only 2!  Does she really need a mini-skirt, or a shirt that says, “Royal Pain” or “Shameless Flirt”?   Shameless?!  Do I really want my daughter saying that about herself – or maybe the better question would be, do I want to be saying that about her?  Jeremiah 6:15, anyone?  It’s bad enough to see those things – the clothing, and the attitude! – on teenagers (and worse yet, grown women!), but do we really have to start fighting this attitude so young?

So, after finding some decent deals online – and some articles of clothing we will avoid – we set out to find some warmer clothing.  Now, it is still technically summer.  I was just trying to be prepared.  I really thought I would have more time before cooler weather set in…Turns out, we needed them the next day!

Quite honestly, I am glad to see the summer coming to an end.  I love fall/winter clothing styles – long skirts, sweaters, long sleeved shirts, corduroy pants, and my personal favorite, my cozy, flannel-lined khakis!  (Yes, I know I live in the wrong state!)  I like that our show-it-all culture is forced into a stricter standard of modesty by the cooler weather.  In many places the choice comes down to one of cover up, or freeze.  Unfortunately, some in the fashion industry have not caught on…What good does a sweater do if it does not cover up your belly-button?  Someone, please explain that one to me…  Really.

I have always enjoyed “people-watching” but, these days it is often nothing more than an exercise in frustration.  Go anywhere – the mall, the park, and even, dare I say it, church.   The church should be a place where modesty is not only encouraged, but expected. It should be a place where we, as brothers and sisters in Christ, are seeking to serve and protect one another.  But, it has become yet another venue where “fashion,” takes precedence above modesty, discernment, and godliness.  Immodesty is everywhere.  Things that used to be kept “under wraps” are now put on display for the world to see! 

As a Christian…as a woman…as a wife…and as a mommy – I am tired of it!

The issue of true, biblical modesty has been a “soapbox” of mine for several years.  I am encouraged that the topic is getting more attention.  It has been ignored for too long.  I recently had a conversation (via e-mail) on the merits of a workshop on the topic of modesty for our church’s upcoming spring Women’s Reatreat.  This got the wheels in my brain turning again, and, while anything that I may have to say has probably already been said much better by someone else…I am going to go ahead and say it anyway.

So, over the next few days (or weeks), as time, and Hannah, allows, I will be posting a little series on modesty.  I know that this can be a topic that can cause heated debates, endless rolling of the eyes, or even send people running with cries of “legalism!”

So, stay tuned…This could get interesting…

In this post I mentioned that I would post the talk that I gave on modesty to the girls at Awana last week.  I am going to post it in parts.

This is a topic that I am passionate about.  And, as I am sure you will see, it is also one that I have some very strong convictions about!  I have tried very hard to base my beliefs and convictions on what God’s Word says about the way we as Christian women are to speak, act, and dress.  But, in developing, not only this lesson, but my convictions and philosophy on this topic over the past several years, I have also consulted the writing of many godly men and women.  And, as a result, I collected way more information than could ever have been shared in a short 30 minute presentation…or in a single blog post, for that matter!  

But, as I said before, I do not feel as though, in the short time I had, I was able to do justice to this soapbox of mine.  So, these posts are going to include “extra” material that, although I would have loved to include, I just did not have the time to share with the girls at Awana.  So, think of these posts as the “director’s cut.”  (You know, the DVD’s with the extra scenes, or bonus footage, which was not included in the version of the film that was shown in theaters.)

I used much of what I wrote about here, and here, in my introduction to the girls.  So, I won’t re-post that portion of the talk.  (But, feel free to check them out and catch up if you would like.)  For now, I am just going to jump right in, and continue where I left off (here)…

I covered 3 main points with the girls:

1. The need for modesty
2. The purpose, or the goal of modesty
3. And the practice of modesty

Each point, of course, had its own sub-points, as all good outlines do!  So, today, I am just going to start with the first point:

The Need for Modesty
The question “Why is modesty such a big deal?” can be answered very simply, with one word…sin.  Okay, maybe that sounds a little too simplistic…So, let’s start at the beginning. 

The Fall of Man, Genesis 3:

“While clothing might meet the need of providing warmth, reflect our culture, or allow for expressing our individuality, none of these theories accurately reflects the reason we wear clothes…” (Designing a Lifestyle that Pleases God, pg. 224)

The reason we wear clothing is found in Genesis 3.  Verse 10 says, “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.”  Before Adam and Eve sinned, there was no clothing.  There was no need for it.  Adam and Eve lived in innocence.  They only became aware of their nakedness and tried to cover it, after they disobeyed God. Dr. Lisa Tatlock notes that,

“Clothing was first designed as a result of sin.  Adam and eve attempted to hide their sinful shame by physically covering their bodies.” (DLPG, pg. 224)

When sin entered the picture, their innocence was lost.  From this point on, with the exception of the context of marriage, whenever nakedness is mentioned in the Bible, it is always associated with shame.  The very fact that we wear, and need clothing is a direct result of the guilt and shame caused by our sin.  Think about that for a moment.  If what we wear is a direct result of our sin, then it should serve as a daily reminder of the fact that we are sinful, fallen creatures.  And, maybe, just maybe, if we thought of it in that way, we would be less likely to dress in a way that is, in and of itself, sinful?  Maybe.

“Adam and Eve’s primary concern was their nakedness; God’s primary concern was that they had disobeyed His word and that their relationship with Him had been broken.  They were concerned about their external appearance; God was concerned about their hearts….First, He dealt with them about the root of their sin and its consequences; He dealt with the broken relationship; He gave them the Gospel (Genesis 3:15) – the promise of a solution for their sin.  Then, God came back to the matter of their clothes.  With loving concern and grace, God dressed the first couple.” (The Look, pg. 12)

Not only is our clothing a reminder of our sin, but it is also a daily reminder of our desperate need for a Savior.  Adam and Eve’s attempt to cover themselves was not sufficient in God’s eyes – as are our attempts to deal with our sin on our own.  “And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.” (Genesis 3:21) 

It would be good to notice that God’s idea of clothing was very different from Adam and Eve’s.  In Genesis 3:10, it says that Adam and Eve made “loincloths.”  This word is also translated as a “belt” or “apron.”  Those are items that do not cover much.  Adam and Eve’s solution was to cover just “the essentials.”  But God…God had a different idea. In verse 21 of the same chapter, it tells us that God made them “garments.”  This word has also been translated as a “coat” or “tunic”.  It is an article of clothing that covered them from the neck to their knees.  God’s purpose for clothing was to cover the body. (The Look, pg. 13) 

So, we see that the need for modesty came about as a result of the Fall.  But, it is also necessary because “… just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned…”  (Romans 5:12)

(To be continued…here)