Because I Said So

I have heard that the “terrible twos” actually begin around 18-months.  Elisabeth Elliot, in her book, The Shaping of a Christian Family, relates the parenting advice her mother received: “If you do not get obedience by the time they are eighteen months old, it is too late.”  Hannah is now 19 and ½ months old, and, while I am still not quite sure I believe in the “terrible twos,” we are experiencing some of the challenges associated with parenting a child of this age. 

The last several weeks have been especially difficult in the areas of obedience, self-control, and consistency.  Hannah and I have been working almost non-stop on the concept of obedience “because I said so.”  I want her to learn to obey my (and her father’s) word without question or complaint, not because I have raised my voice, or disciplined her, but simply because we are her parents. 

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
Ephesians 6:1 

I want her to understand that “delayed obedience is disobedience.”  Verbally, Hannah has not reached the questioning stage.  But, her actions clearly question why, and if, she should really have to listen to what I say.

In a great post on the GirlTalk Blog, Kristin referred to her own “unstated goal” of peace and quiet (in a family with 3 boys!) in her home.  Being a very goal-oriented person myself, this phrase stood out to me.  I had never thought about a goal being left unsaid.  Even before Hannah was born, I was establishing long- and short-term goals for myself in parenting, as well as for her.  As she has grown, I have looked at her (our) progress and revised a few, and tossed out others.  But, in all of that, it never really occurred to me to look at my own un-stated goals.  Because, after all, don’t you need to know what you are working towards in order to accomplish it? As I thought more about this concept over the last few days, I realized that it is often the unstated goals that are much easier to pursue, and, for that matter, accomplish.  After 4 or 5 tantrums in the span of 2 hours, my desire (or unstated goal) for a “happy” child very well may win out over my goal of seeing her exhibit true, and joyful, obedience the first time she is asked to do (or not do) something. 

My goal in parenting Hannah is not for her to be “happy.”  No, I do not want her to be miserable, but as Kristin wisely pointed out,

“God has called me to a higher purpose in mothering—to train my boys to obey their parents so they will receive the blessing and favor of the Lord and so their hearts will be tender and open to the gospel.”

That “higher purpose” is my goal I in parenting Hannah (and any future brothers or sisters).  I want her to learn to be obedient to her father and me without question or hesitation, with the ultimate goal that she will someday be unquestioningly obedient to the call of her Heavenly Father!

I am just beginning to see the enormity of this parallel relationship.  Just like earthly parents, God requires obedience from His children.  Unfortunately, we often wait for His discipline to be applied before we choose to do things His way.  Is that the example that I want my daughter to follow?  I want my own  actions and responses to consistenly demonstrate the things that I am trying to teach her.  If I am trying to teach my daughter to obey, because I said so, then I need to obey my Heavenly Father because He said so.