Lest They Become Discouraged

 

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This trend of sharing less-than-favorable information with, well, essentially, with the world, is not limited to our husbands.  Our children can also be the victims of our snarky comments, and tendency to over-share.  Often the kid-version is a “cute” (but potentially embarrassing) anecdote, or a bit of gossip couched in a “prayer request.” 

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And, it starts before the kids are even born with more than a few whiney status updates about morning sickness.  Eventually, those progress to complaints about the aches and pains of late pregnancy, accompanied by the impatience of waiting for baby to finally make an appearance.  That morphs into subtle protests about newborn-induced sleep-deprivation, exasperated comments about the 2-year-old’s temper tantrum at the grocery store, the 5-year-old’s difficulties with friends at school, the sibling squabbles, and the teenager’s sullen attitude toward…well, everything.

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I know that life as a mommy isn’t always perfect.  There are difficulties.  Some days are just plain hard.  And, I’m not at all suggesting that we should not be able to look to friends (both flesh-and-blood and the online variety) for encouragement, support, prayer, or a hug.  And, I realize that sometimes these comments are simply the result of sharing “real life.”

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But, just like with our husbands, these online communities can appear to offer a “support group” of sorts, where other mommies are quick to commiserate with our plight, and offer words of sympathy, and a ready chorus of “I know what you’re going through.”  Again, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes the support, encouragement, and prayers of others are very much needed.

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But, sometimes, hard as it may be to hear (read), we need to be exhorted us to take our eyes off of ourselves and our difficulties, discomforts, and frustrations, and think about what our words are doing to our children’s reputations.

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“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” ~Psalm 127:3

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Scripture calls children a blessing – a reward! Is that how we see them?  Put another way, do our online friends know that we see them as blessings?  Or do they only know the difficult, problem-causing, undisciplined children that we complain about multiple times a day?

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“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” ~Colossians 3:21

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When I was a teenager, my parents and sister decided that it would be funny to share my (naked) baby pictures with my friends.  Although the nickname stuck around longer than I would have liked, in the grand scheme of things, the humiliation was relatively short-lived. 

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Today, the internet has taken the embarrassment-potential, and the shelf-life of that humiliation to a whole new level for our children.  Now, every potty-training accident is reported in real-time.  (I’ve even seen some moms live-blog their child’s potty-training escapades!!)  Every disobedient act is broadcast.  Every teenage crush, romance, and break-up is documented.  And, the naked baby pictures?  The world has now been invited to view every goofy and embarrassing photo in your collection.

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Beyond the embarrassment factor, sometimes, I just have to cringe when I read what moms write about their kids.  Because, some comments reveal more than just “real-life” parenting moments and missteps.  They reveal a consistently discontent, frustrated, complaining spirit that, honestly, leaves me wondering if this mom even likes her children…let alone thinks of them as a blessing or a reward!

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Some kids may still be young enough for mom to “get away” with this.  But…does that make it right?

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My daughter is only in the beginning stages of learning to read.  She is still a long way from entering the online world.  But, sometimes I do wonder what she would think if she could read my status updates on a regular basis.

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Would she be unduly humiliated by information that I have shared about her – her personality, her character, her behavior, her mistakes?  When I complain about how boring, how difficult, how unfulfilling, it is to be a mom, should she conclude that she is a burden, an inconvenience, a hindrance?  Is she free to share her heart – struggles, concerns, and joys – with me?  Or, should she worry that whatever she says or does is fair-game, and may very well end up as blog fodder?  And, not to pick on the pastor’s wives (again), but if your kids already have to wonder whether or not they are going be next week’s sermon illustration, shouldn’t we, as their moms, give them a little break in our online world?

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One fact that these hastily typed statuses and tweets often overlook: Children grow up.  Quickly.  They grow out of “phases.”  The “terrible two’s” don’t last forever.  But, apparently, tweets do.  Now, every snarky comment, every cutting remark, every negative or discouraging observation, is being saved for posterity. 

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I lived through the embarrassment of having my naked baby pictures shared with my friends.  And, mercifully, most have forgotten about it. 

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Will our children have the same opportunity?

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“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” ~Ephesians 3:4

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